In Which a Blog About Consent Turns into a Book Review!

?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

Last year, something terrible happened in Tennessee. I didn’t hear anything about it until some days later, researching on FetLife as I do. Someone, quite possibly the author herself–this was a year ago, so I can’t recall—posted an amazing blog on the subject. It was the first I’d read about it. A submissive named Shirley Beck was killed by those she trusted. Few fitting words do justice to what she went through. Kate Kinsey found those words, in her brilliant piece “The Last Four Hours of Shirley Beck’s Life“. I’m not sure anyone could have said it better.

Of course, I wanted to respond, as a member of the Kink Community, as an author of BDSM erotica, and as a freaking human being. I was so upset, I forgot how to word. Incoherent moans and sobbing seemed more appropriate. I cried, a lot.

In the end, I wrote another piece entirely, due to a censorship situation in which I knew the players, and it did speak on consent, but only peripherally. I was petrified to allow my brain to stray near the original subject. I kept meaning to come back to it, but publishing Switch It ON, and writing and publishing Switch It UP consumed my life. Well, and three trips to visit The Muse, who restoreth my soul, so to speak.

Finally, the work was done, and when I contemplated a real blog post for y’all, neither sharing nor selling, consent seemed the obvious choice. Although this incident had opened a conversation, we just reheated the same stale meal: There is no such thing as “rape culture”, and even if there was, WE don’t participate. Consent is built into our guidelines, after all. None of us would ever violate anyone’s boundaries! The safe-word is sacred!

Obviously, this is no more true for us than it is for the vanilla community. In fact, WIITWD leaves abusers with even more excuses! Consent needs to be addressed, and readdressed, and then sent to the P. O. Box and readdressed again, until the vanilla world truly believes that “no” means “NO!”, and until everyone in the fetish community will stop at “red” (or pistachio, or whatever y’all agree on. I don’t judge that either.)

In the immortal words of Arlo Guthrie, “That’s not what I came here to tell you about.” When I began preparing for this entry, I wanted to read the original piece that inspired it, that I have linked above. I did so, and cried and failed again. However, whenever I read something particularly brilliant, I like to go and see what else that person is doing.

This has led to something I haven’t done on this blog, a book review! (Cue announcer voice and dramatic music!)

Red, in the author’s own words is: “Truly, madly. . .deadly

Detective Tom Hanson has a string of grotesquely mutilated bodies on his hands and no answers–aside from the fact that the victims were members of an underground sex club catering to singular erotic tastes. Tastes the long, lean detective has sampled himself in the arms of his former lover, a fiery redhead who offered the most erotic, irresistible sex he’d ever encountered. Until the night she’d begged for the one thing he couldn’t give, and he lost her forever.

Gina Larsen is the only one who can guide Hanson through the fringe world of dark fantasy and desire that lies hidden deep beneath the Bible Belt. Lured into her lair by a quest for justice, Hanson discovers his hunger for Gina has only grown stronger and deeper. . .beyond the edge of control. Soon he’s shedding his last inhibitions in the search for answers, but the more she draws him into her erotic web, the less he can distinguish between passion and duty, pleasure and pain. . .good and evil.”

I know, right? How could I possibly resist? Before the Muse inspired me to embark upon this journey, thrillers were the mainstay of my library, and here, it seemed, all my best beloved worlds would collide. Red is that brilliant explosion.

Authenticity is only where we begin. Ms. Kinsey tells all, with honesty and love, that anyone might want to know about BDSM; more, in fact, than might be comfortable for some. She unflinchingly shines the light into some of the darker areas of the scene.

Her probing glow also invades the psychology of Kink, and of people in general, allowing her to create some vivid and memorable characters. Her use of language is expert, her descriptive powers evoking erotic images and horrific crime scenes with equal skill. With all this, she includes the twists and surprises thrillers need to thrill.

As book reviews haven’t really been my thing, I have no rating system here. Whatever it would be, Red would get the highest honors, 5 stars, 2 thumbs up, and a standing ovation.

Advertisements

It’s time to Switch It UP!

Switch It UP is available now!  http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00RNHYFBS

Switch.it.up.web

Warning! This is an erotic romance, so contained herein are graphic descriptions of sex, bondage, discipline, dominance, and submission. You’ll find group sex, voyeurism, Daddy-daughter play, and mud fetishism. Mental illness, self-harm, and consent violation are some of the difficult issues addressed. Somehow, there’s still room for art, ironic humor, and love.  

Last week, I only thought I had problems. How I wish for last week!

It’s a Dom problem. My sleazy boss at the dungeon is ripping me off and harassing my sweet, gorgeous assistant, Trey, who is too submissive for his own safety.

It’s a sub problem. Usually my lover Jase is my rock, always there to take care of me, whether I need feeding or spanking. Now something from Jase’s past is pulling him away from me. He grows more distant every day.

It’s a poly problem. Beautiful Trey is ready to explore with my gorgeous new pet, Hunter, and wants me along for the ride. And Jase’s buddy Joe has been casting filthy glances my way, along with his Dirty South grin.

Sometimes I don’t know what the question is, but I’m pretty sure sex is the answer. Time to SWITCH IT UP.

What in the hell is “YKINMK”?

cartoon fetish

YOUR KINK IS NOT MY KINK. Your fetish is not necessary mine. My best friend likes to say “Whatever blows your dress up!” which instantly calls to mind the iconic image of Marilyn Monroe, riding the steam. Which blows my dress up. Your dress may remain unmoved. And that’s OK!

As I’ve shared in the past, FetLife is one of my favorite research sites. On it, they have a feature called Kinky & Popular. A writing there struck close to my heart. The author was lamenting a lack of diversity among the images displayed, and even a lack of kink. I’d noticed that myself, and generally just stick to the writing as she did. There are many paths through the woods, boys and girls, and wolves on every one, waiting to eat you up, or beat your ass with a flogger, if that’s what you’d prefer.

All of my reviews touch on the authentic quality of my fetish scenes, and that’s directly due to the fact that I was involved with the local scene extensively for years. That same best friend performed in, and in some cases created, shows for an extremely popular weekly fetish night. She remains my technical advisor and sounding board for all things fetish.

The troupe performed highly inventive and entertaining fetish shows that perfectly balanced the artsy-fartsy with the spanky-spanky. They were appealing for precisely this reason, so much so that the patronage of the night was drawn more often from the vanilla world than from the fetish scene. Doing a show a week, they’d have to keep it fresh and diversify. OR they could do the same old, same old, wherein scantily clad pretty boys and girls would get their asses lackadaisically beaten. This is what the management chose to do, selling skin over substance. The night died.

In Switch It ON, Mistress Madeline tries to broaden the horizons of the patrons of her shows. She puts in a little something for everyone. I believe that is important in life as well as the “scene”. My thing may not be your thing, but we can respect and enjoy each other’s things. Whoops, that sounded dirty. I think that helps prove my point.

Polyamory and you… and you… and you.

poly-symbol-2
The next of the Switch Series is called Switch It UP. That was chosen for a very specific reason, because it’s all about change, and specifically Madeline allowing other people into what had been a very private space for her. Not just for sex, mind you, but for love and family and all that jazz, things she didn’t think she needed. So, I’ve been reading a bit about polyamory.

I’ve been involved in relationships that might fall under this category, but what does it really mean? According to Wikipedia: Polyamory (from Greek πολύ [poly], meaning “many” or “several”, and Latin amor, “love”) is the practice, desire, or acceptance of having more than one intimate relationship at a time with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved. It is distinct from swinging (which emphasizes sex with others as merely recreational) and may or may not include polysexuality (attraction towards multiple genders and/or sexes).

More love in life is a beautiful idea. I’ve read much beautiful writing indicating that polyamory can be exactly that. But wait, aren’t people naturally drawn to that one special person who’ll be their soul-mate forever? When I stop laughing, let me give you my opinion. Keep in mind it comes from a person who isn’t particularly good at relationships of any kind more intimate than friendships.

Some people actually are, I believe, suited for just one person forever. The sad part is that not everyone is, and Western Society seems to feel that monogamy is THE ONLY WAY. As a Pansexual and a Switch, that seems a little restrictive to me, and not in that fun, cuff-me-to-the bedpost kind of way.

What about jealousy? Complete honesty, transparency, and a sense of fairness come to the rescue here. From my extensive research, I believe this is possible. From my field study, let me just say that I haven’t seen that much of it.